Dec
28
2011

Re-Run Week: Insecurity & Authentic Community

An article by Matt Comments

This was originally posted in September, and I think it is hugely important to anyone in church leadership… What do you think?

Ronnie Floyd had a great post on insecure pastors on Monday that has had me thinking. In true Southern Baptist style, Ronnie outlines the three warning signs of an insecure pastor with skillful alliteration:

Competitiveness– One of the biggest problems insecurity carries with it is overt competition. Churches try to “out-do” one another. Pastors find themselves competing with other pastors.

Combativeness – I have seen many pastors or other church leaders ruin their ministry by the incessant need to have their way all the time. In one of my previous books, Ten Things Every Minister Needs to Know, I talk about this issue in more detail.

Complaining– Some of the whiniest people I know are ministers. It also happens that pastors are some of the most insecure people I know. The two often go together. Complaining is a serious obstacle for many ministers of the gospel.

While unfortunate, I think that there tend to be far more insecure pastors in church leadership than we care to admit. While this is disturbing, what has been bothering me the most since reading this is the culture that allows, or even encourages, these attributes in our pastors.

No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’m going to be an insecure jerk today!” No one takes part in a church staff meeting intending to be competitive, combative, or being a whiny complainer. A church board who goes out looking for an insecure pastor needs to be fired, yesterday. What I am saying is these insecurities tend to creep up on us. Sometimes they are the result of our personal baggage, sometimes they are the result of institutional baggage, sometimes they are the result of spiritual warfare. Regardless of the reasoning, what is certain is that insecurity in leadership will destroy the leadership culture of a church, and limit its’ ability to spread the gospel.

It is in situations like this that I like to bust out the Johari Window. The Johari Window (pictured at right) is a simple tool that helps us to gauge how authentically we are living. As you see, the window is divided into four quadrants, each one representing an area of our lives. The goal is to do life in the open quadrant as much as possible, limiting the areas in our lives that we feel we must hide from others as well as those areas that we are blind to our own shortcomings.

In my experience, the only way to live in the open quadrant is to do so in authentic community. It is only when we have people around us that love us enough to gently speak to us about our blind spots that we will be able to take correction and grow. In the same manner, it is only when we are surrounded by people who are safe and trustworthy that we will allow people to see into our hidden quadrant. At first thought, one would think that this kind of genuine community would be easy for pastors to engage in… but unfortunately it is all too difficult. In the busyness that is ministry, we often get so caught up in doing the work of the church that we forget to take time to participate in the church. Or, worse yet, a church may be too unhealthy for a pastor to truly let his guard down to church members, and slowly becomes an island unto himself.

A few thoughts on developing this in the life of a church leader:

Mentors are Huge. Having someone in your life who is a few miles further down the road at whose feet you sit is one of the greatest gifts that you can give your church. Throughout my years in ministry I have been blessed to have some great men pour into me, ask me questions that I really would have rather avoided, and encourage me to conform to the image of Christ. These are the people who are filling you, imparting wisdom, and intentionally investing in you. As important and as beneficial as this relationship is, it will be worthless unless you allow them access to your innermost thoughts.
We all need a Barnabas. There is a great need in all of our lives to have someone who doesn’t call us “pastor”, doesn’t place us on a pedestal, and loves us enough to tell us that we are making a fool out of ourselves. We need at least one friend who has the strength of character to challenge us, tell us when we need to be spending more time with our family, and praying with us through the darker parts of our journey. Without this person in your life, you are asking for a moral failure of some kind.
Fix it, or Get Out. I am tired of hearing pastors tell me about the dysfunction and unhealthiness of their churches. The whining (complaining?) about how hard it is to shepherd their people gets old, quick. My typical response to these comments is simple: “get out!” This may sound cruel or callous, but let’s be honest about it: the pastor is called to be the shepherd of their congregation. Good shepherds discipline, instruct, and protect their sheep. Allowing a culture of unhealthy relationships to continue indefinitely not only hurts you, but it kills your church. Lead the church through its’ dysfunction, or let someone else handle it. As an aside, Blessing Point Ministries does a PHENOMENAL (I don’t do the all caps thing often) job of restoring unhealthy churches.

How do YOU keep from succumbing to insecurities in Your ministry?